Posted in Everyday Life

Reclaiming Myself

I’ve tried to write many posts over the past few weeks. I get a running start, but then either run out of steam, or simply realize they are basically rehashes of older posts. I get tired of writing about myself, and my successes, my failures, or personal troubles.

I’ve been a practicing Wiccan for 13 years. To be honest, I don’t really practice all that much anymore. I get up in the morning, thinking I’m going to do a ritual or spell, and then find a million reasons not to do it. Call it burn out, but I’m not sure that’s what it is.

I’m tired of living two lives. I have my mundane life, and the life I’ve exposed to you on this blog and other social media. The two do not always match. If I left, or leave Wicca, I’m actually afraid I won’t miss it. I think leaving Paganism itself would be very difficult.

I think like a Pagan. I have a Pagan outlook on life and death. I am open to the possibilities of the universe, and would never malign magick or witchcraft. It seems that so many people who walk away from witchcraft end up not believing in it.

Back to living two lives. I think I would like to abandon all my alternate accounts, and just have one email, Twitter, Google+ (honestly, it’s better than you think), and photo accounts. Right now I have no less than 4 Gmail accounts, a couple of Yahoo accounts, and even a Outlook account. As I soar well past 50 years of age, I find that I’m becoming more casual, and more minimalistic. Plus there are a ton of overlapping emails every day.

I’ve largely come out as a Pagan. I feel that I’m growing more toward Humanistic Paganism, which might be a better fit with my theoretical Paganism, rather than my past ritualistic Paganism. It would be mentally freeing for me to be able to talk about that openly, rather than veil myself behind an internet persona.

I might have a blog, I’m not sure. All of you who blog know the mental preparation of writing a post, formulating what you will say, then making it look nice on the screen. Then after posting it, you need to take the time to tend to comments, and reply to them. It’s a time sucking proposition, often fulfilling, but perhaps not to the extent it needs to be, given the time devoted to it.

I’ve spent the bulk of many summers sitting in the house, on the computer, communicating with other Pagans, writing posts, Tweeting, doing rituals & magickal workings, or reading Pagan/witchcraft websites, blogs, and other writings. This year is going to be different. I want to be more active, be more social, be more athletic.

I don’t regret all my time with my online Pagan activities. I’ve had fun communicating with others. Sometimes this communication has helped me mentally. In the end though, it just feels a bit hollow. My “real life” social life has suffered greatly, my relationship with friends and family were put on the back burner. They could not really even engage with me that much online, as I was spending most of my time there under an assumed identity.

So now, I’m gonna take a break from it all for a bit. I’m going to whittle down my online accounts, and become, well, me.

Thank you all so much for your support of this blog. It’s the longest I ever stuck with one.

Peace and best wishes.

 

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Author:

Adult male Pagan, goth, Dionysian witch. I enjoy working with essential oils, herbs, stones, crystals, candles, incense. I've been practicing in the early 2000's. I have interests in social media, science, the environment, liberal politics and causes, and the occult.

2 thoughts on “Reclaiming Myself

  1. Well We all go through changes and if something isn’t working out for you try to find walk a different path or maybe just drop what your doing for a bit and then maybe come back to it later it all just depends

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  2. Be yourself. There is no “right” or “wrong” about how you feel; if you feel it, it means it is right for you. If it’s right for you, it’s all that matters. Sometimes we all get overwhelmed, it is normal, do not panic. Hopefully you are feeling better by now.

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