I wrote in my last post about my process of adopting a new life paradigm. I’ve been working diligently at it, and I thought I would share some thoughts about this process with you.
I thought this process was strictly theoretical/mental, but at times it physically feels different. If you have ever gone away to college or moved to a new city, you know there is a strangeness. You are out of sorts for a bit, trying to take it all in.
I’ve experienced that in several ways. Leaving behind broken friendships, which all began in a physical way (meaning I was in physical proximity to them at some point in my life) and shifting to virtual friendships via social media, particularly through Facebook proves both exciting, joyful, and strange at the same time. What’s telling, however, is the degree of communication I’ve had with my new friends, compared to the nearly non-existent contact with my prior “friends.”
Secondly, I’m shocked at the ease of the transition. Yet, I know there will be storms ahead.
It’s challenging to incorporate family and my few close friends into the new paradigm/life. It’s very easy to snap back into the old paradigm when I’m with them. My behavior is in flux, changing as I move to this new life, and I think that letting those people see that, letting them see my interests, rather than hiding in the Pagan/Wiccan closet should help me to stop reverting.
I find myself amazingly open to just about anything spiritual. In the past, I’ve dismissed some aspects of paranormal, supernatural, and other concepts as, well, bunk. Obviously, there are some things that people believe that are out of the reach of my belief system, but I’m more than willing to consider everything.
In connection with the last sentence, my openness to all of this seems to be akin to the world seen through a child’s eyes. Children are open to everything, as they have yet been exposed to people telling them what is true, or what to believe or not believe. I seem to be shockingly openminded. If you had met me a decade or so ago, you would understand the magnitude of this change!
I’ve found that any body issues I had have either vanished or greatly diminished. I have ceased caring about imperfections, understanding that everyone has them. Outward appearance of myself, and of others has very little importance to me right now.
My depression has eased. It’s not gone, but it seems lessened. I seem to have more energy, which has resulted in getting a ton more exercise. Obviously, that plays a part in the evaporation of body issues. Everything is interconnected.
There are however, some issues with this transition.
I am restless. I find sitting down to watch a favorite movie, or a ballgame on TV had become really difficult. As I type this, I find my toes fidgeting, and I’m thinking two or three sentences ahead of the one that I’m currently writing. This post is flying from my fingers and mind at a weirdly breakneck speed. That rarely happened in the past.
Associated with that is a lack of sleep. I’m sleeping about 4 hours a night, which I know isn’t enough. Right now, sleep seems to be a waste of time.
I find that I have to stop myself from oversharing. Every topic broached in some of my Facebook groups seems overly fascinating, and want to comment on everything. And we all know how annoying that can be, so I’m having to reel myself in.
Overall, this is largely a very positive experience so far. I had wondered if I would lose my interest in the “darker” deities that I had in the past. Interestingly, that has increased. I have always thought of those deities being more associated with personal enlightenment, so it seems fitting that their stronghold continues.
I could go on, but I’m not interested in lulling you, dear reader, to sleep. I just wanted to mention that this has been a process I’ve been working on for some time. I didn’t want anyone to think that this all happened overnight. I could look back to 2010 or so, when I began exploring Left Hand Paths, looking at them due to their emphasis on enlightenment. So this gestation period has been rather long…
Thanks for reading, and feel free (please do!) to share your thoughts with me. I enjoy reading the comments more than you could ever know!