Posted in Everyday Life, Living Simply, Wicca

A Witch Finds Joy At Home

7a3322e96568e2934133adf7be8be21bI always enjoy the tales of people, especially fellow Pagans who find enlightenment and peace through travels to destinations that inspire them. I read a lot about people “finding themselves” on such journeys. While I have traveled a bit, I’m not a journeyman. I rather like routine, and traveling is the opposite of that.

However, the double edged sword for me has been that while I love being home, I have often felt a bit trapped at home, feeling that I’m missing out on something because I’m not there. For a good number of years, that “there” was a party, a tavern, or a social event that I attended with my own St. Elmo’s Fire type group of friends.

But that group of friends has disbanded. Some of us stay in touch, but when we see each other, it’s awkward. In the past we bonded over good times and booze. Now we have little in common, so the conversations are forced, often falling back to “remember when we….” There are friends from those days, who I saw nearly everyday back then, whom I haven’t seen in years. So were they true friends? Obviously not. Just people who felt an artificial close bond due to circumstances.

But old habits die hard for some, and I’m one of that “some.” While most of those people from the past were able to move on, I tried my best to hold on to the past, to the party all the time lifestyle. The problem was that most of the time I was by myself, trying to infiltrate the good times of other groups who happened to be at the places I would go. It was unsatisfying, to say the least.

Over the course of the last 13 years, after deciding to embrace Wicca and Paganism, I found a bit of diversion from my desire to keep the “good times” rolling. I looked deeper into life than the depths of a glass or beer bottle. The frequency of “going out” has dwindled. Some of the friends we did hang on to distanced themselves when they discovered I was interested in Wicca or Paganism.

So home became both a comfort and curse. We have a lovely home of many years, and it contains everything to make us happy. Yet, there were times where I felt trapped, those feelings that I was missing something once again bubbling up. So out we would go, trying to capture the fun of the old days, only to realize the next day that it was a futile pursuit.

These days, home represents many things. A comfortable shelter, an entertainment center, a magickal place, a temple of sorts, and a shield from the memories of days gone by that occasionally beckon. It’s a fairly goth place, decor wise. It’s also becoming more of a hippie place, with decluttering and banishment of chemicals for cleaning and body care. Sandalwood and patchouli hangs lightly in the air. Ok, patchouli sometimes hangs a bit more heavily in the air…. Our home, even after 20+ years is always a work in progress. Not construction wise, but because of the attempts to make it into something that staves off the call of yesteryear.

It’s taken me 50 years to become relatively comfortable in my own skin. It took embracements of Wicca, witchcraft, goth and hippie lifestyles, and time, but the transition is largely complete.

My wish for you, dear readers, is that you find that self love far sooner than I. I know there are many younger people that read this, and I’m here to tell you that it’s important to find friends that will last a lifetime, not only situational friends. Learn to really cherish your home. Fill it with items you love. Try not to spend money on decor that will bring you joy for years to come. Trust me, that $50 spice rack you just have to have for your kitchen, will eventually be seen by you as counter clutter, and will end up at Goodwill or a future garage sale. Recycled bottles work much better!

I had always heard the adage that happiness starts at home. It took me an incredibly long time, and bumpy journey to realize that is the absolute truth.

Thanks for reading, and Blessed Be!

 

Posted in Depression, Energy/Vibrations, witchcraft

Raising Vibrations, Witchcraft, Serenity

It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly. 

Things, people, or conditions that you thought you needed for your happiness now come to you with no struggle or effort on your part, and you are free to enjoy and appreciate them – while they last. 

All those things, of course, will still pass away, cycles will come and go, but with dependency gone there is no fear of loss anymore. 

Life flows with ease. 

~Eckhart Tolle

There is about a million ways to interpret that quote. I think it has to do with your expectations, and depending on circumstances to be just as you want them to be. It’s about letting go of those expectations, not counting on them, and finding happiness with what comes. And perhaps those things will come to you easier than you ever imagined. Yet, one has to realize that these things come and go, there is some sort of cycle, but if you have no concrete expectations, you will not feel sadness when these things go away, and you will not live in fear of them disappearing while you have them.

I’ve been noticing that much of my interest, and what I read about these days, is energy. The philosophy of life, of how energy, my own feelings, my own vibrations and frequency affects my life.

I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time over the years trying to define my Pagan and witchcraft path. Gothic/hippie/light/dark/Wiccan/just a witch/chaos practitioner, and on an on. That’s a whole lot of energy wasted. Worse yet, it doesn’t really matter. How I practice, how you practice, how the “experts” tell you to practice, it’s all a matter of personal preference. Every witchcraft author has their own spin. There are more offshoots of witchcraft than you can count.

At this point, I’m not sure what I am. The other night, with my arthritis flaring like mad, I asked the God and Goddess to help me out. I had a small (think tiny), informal ritual, said some blessings, and gave my thanks to them. This is not how I normally think. Witches do spells, they don’t count on the deities for help, they don’t really pray, they do magick. But I didn’t have the energy to do any magick, so I tried asking. Yesterday, things had improved. Did the deities do that? Was it simply mind over matter? Did I raise my vibrations by thinking positive? I can’t tell you. I just know that it worked to a degree.

From this point on, I’m just going to call myself a Pagan and a witch. That is enough definition. I am going to explore energy vibrations, frequencies, and how it affects me. I’m probably going to step foot in New Age territory a bit, or even a lot, and I know that just disgusts some witches.

But here’s the thing. So far, in thirteen years, I haven’t found serenity. I’ve found a spiritual practice I’ve enjoyed at times, but I’ve also had plenty of Dark Nights of the Soul. A lot of that had to do with how I took criticism of others, based on their writings. I’ve eye rolled new witches who wanted to know if there was a spell to turn them into a vampire. I’ve wasted so much energy on stuff that was so far out in left field.

Some may say that the quest upon which I’m embarking may qualify for a bit of craziness. Maybe, but it seems to be working for a lot of people. If it is just mental, that’s fine, because if I can find serenity though energy workings, so be it.

There is a lot of upheaval in the world right now. U.S. politics scare the shit out of me. I’ve wasted a lot of energy on worrying about that too. So, it seems to be a really good time to work on centering myself, and rising above all the crap.

The bottom line is that while I enjoy being a witch, it has not given me the strength I had hoped it might, and I am going to explore further to see if I can find some help.

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, or if you have any reference suggestions on the topics I’ve discussed here.

Blessed Be!